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Puhlo

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* * *
This is the list, people. Read, comment, cheer or just.. ignore it? If you're not going to read it, I dunno why you're here. My blog. Remember?


List starts at September 1st, 2007.

  • 1. Learn the basics of Excel. Learn how to do simple diagrams and statistics, to easier make lists and such to enable myself to handle the ADHD better.

  • 2. Lose weight. My goal is to weigh in just over 100kg (roughly 210 lbs) but under 110kg.

  • 3. Learn to eat breakfast every day. Nothing fancy but at least to eat 2 ricecakes or a yoghurt each morning.

  • 4. Learn enough hungarian to be able to read and write postcards. (I am getting there, but I really
  •  have to have a goal. )

  • 5. Be without cavities for a year. (At least try)
  •  
  • 6. Write down one good thing about myself each day.

  • 7. Read and practice Självkänsla Nu! , En riktig människa, Mat för hjärnan and Magproblem – Problemmage.

  • 8. Write down 5 recipes a month for the cookbook.

  • 9. Get a diagnosis for eating disorder.

  • 10. Finish the shawl for Olivia.

  • 11. Find the song that quotes “Jag vill vara tvålen I ditt badkar”

  • 12. Learn to read sheet music

  • 13. Take singing lessons

  • 14. See at least 100 of the IMDB’s top 250 movies list.

  • 15. Visit 5 museums with company

  • 16. Visit 5 museums without company

  • 17. Learn enough html to be able to keep the blog and homepage updated

  • 18. Learn the functions of cellphone internet usage

  • 19. Bake bread at least twice a month.

  • 20. Start using the calendar, writing down things done and things to do.

  • 21. Sew a warm hoodie of black fleece

  • 22. Take good portrait photos of 10 people.

  • 23. Visit London

  • 24. Organize all photos on the harddrive.

  • 25. Try Qi Gong

  • 26. Learn how to dance slow fox, waltz and some bellydancing (at least take a course in bellydancing)

  • 27. Take at least one 1hr walk a week

  • 28. Sing karaoke

  • 29. Sell at least two art-pieces ( I take orders? :) Painting, Signs, etc. )

  • 30. Take portraits of close friends and family and have them framed

  • 31. Visit one new place every month.

  • 32. Meet or call one friend each week

  • 33. Take up sign language (at least enough to say Hello, My name is Helene)

  • 34. Learn 5 new tasty fish recipes

  • 35. Learn how to iron and take care of my clothes

  • 36. Visit Fåfängan, Bergianska trädgården, Kaknästornet, and Stora Skuggan

  • 37. Visit 20 free fun things from http://gratisistockholm.nu
  •  
  • 38. Eat no sweets or soda or sugar for a period of 30 days

  • 39. Visit the Opera

  • 40. Visit Hasseluddens Yasuragi for one night sleepover

  • 41. Try yoga

  • 42. Go to three concerts (Spoken Word; Henry Rollins is planned for January 2008)

  • 43. Finish playing Quest for glory 5, Vampire the Masquerade – Bloodlines and Call of Chtulhu

  • 44. Design 3 tshirts and print them.

  • 45. Read one book each of the following Nobel prize winning authors:
  • *Jean Paul Sartre
  • *Dario Fo
  • *Selma Lagerlöf
  • *JM Coetzee
  • *Harry Martinsson
  • *Imré Kertesz
  • *John Steinbeck
  • *Pär Lagerkvist
  • *T S Eliot
  • *Verner Von Heidenstam
  • *Rudyard Kipling

  • 46. Read A Song of Fire and Ice by George RR Martin

  • 47. Read the Harry Potter series again

  • 48. Try a brazilian wax at a salon

  • 49. Test blood sugar 1 time each day (at least!)

  • 50. Find a nailpolish that works for both everyday use and party usage

  • 51. Copy all phonenumbers to a computer register (see post n:o 1)

  • 52. See the whole Star Trek : Voyager

  • 53. Buy a new speaker-cable for my computer

  • 54. Try poi or other fire art

  • 55. List all tvseries that I want to see or have seen.

  • 56- 93. Cook at least one recipes from ALL my cookbooks. (36 pcs as of yet.) This includes Wicked Chocolate and Sockerbagarens bästa recept. No compromise. All Cookbooks I own. New addidtions WILL count!

  • 94. Read Stephen King’s The Dark Tower-books.

  • 95. Read The Talisman and Black House by Stephen King.

  • 96. Sort my arts and crafts drawers

  • 97, Write all friends and family into my calendar, birthdays, and remember to congratulate them! (Tell me your birthday. Please?)

  • 98. Visit Taxinge Slott (This is Kay's addition to my list. I think she wants to come with, to have the cake-buffet. )

  • 99. Walk all “Slalombackar” in Stockholm. (This is Ericas addition to my list. I'm not exactly sure of what a "Slalombacke" is, but it sounds like good exercise, and that's a welcome addition. Especially after Kay's addition... :) Maybe not the same day though. :) )

  • 100. Learn to take better care of my looks. (Lithia said “Be more vain” I'll get back to you on exactly what it means. )

  • 101. Learn one good everyday make up, and two party makeups.  (This is Lithias second addition, but something I've always wanted. Makeup is fun!)

And there you have it. My 101 list. The Books that I'll choose for  n:o 45 will be added later, as well as a list of the IMDB.Com-movies.

Wish me luck!

Current Location:
Same batplace, same bat-channel
Current Mood:
determined determined
* * *
List is done. Posting it later today. I am just going to find a good html-counter (I don't think the Java one presented by Day Zero will work on Livejournal.

I'm going to post it on facebook too.

Wish me luck, people, now I'm off for a walk (mwahahahaaaaaa, this week's walk.. ^^) with Lithia, but when I come back, it's foodpreps, and list-corrections.

See you in a bit.

Current Location:
Same batplace, same bat-channel
Current Mood:
cheerful cheerful
Current Music:
Dead can dance - Song of the Nile
* * *
Hey y'all. Your favorite kook is up and at it again.
I haven't been able to scrounge up the energy to keep 3 different diaries up to date with my daily slackness, so I just posted on one community and waited until I got enough energy to start again with the blogging.

I haven't been up to much, I've passed a kidney stone (and gosh darn it, that hurt like a motherfucker), I've seen some of my friends too little, I've had my cats here, and then gotten them off to the country house, I've watched over my big bro's Hibiscus flower (and it didn't die! I might be ready to start a family soon!), and I have taken up cross-stitching.

And now, I've found something I liked, on the internet. (I'm all like OMGWTFBBQ!)
It's a meme, and it has prolly been around for some time. I have gotten 49 things myself, but I intend to get all the 101 things and then start my blogging about them.

101 things to do in 1001 days. Here's a list over the rules, and some exemplary lists to get YOU started on your own. OR to give me some suggestions! I'm open to those, as some of you may know. ;)

Anyhow, here's the url: http://www.triplux.com/dayzero/default.asp

Like I said. 49 down, 52 to go. Help me out, please!

Current Location:
Same batplace, same bat-channel
Current Mood:
chipper chipper
Current Music:
Travis - Closer
* * *

Today, my inner child is sad. And lonely.
Tomorrow is an ordinary day, and I still can't sleep.
Question is, do I really want to sleep?
People are boring, with their needs to sleep.
I know I have one too, but I really don't want to.
You miss out on so much when sleeping.
I wanna be awake al the time.
And snog.
And have icecream.
And snickers.
Lots of snickers.






"Hopelessness,

it's the darkness of your heart,

it's the sound of one hand clapping,

while it's pulling you apart. "

- Annie Lennox, Loneliness. - from the album Bare.




Kinda sums it up, people. Not a good day. Not a good night. Now I'll try some sleep again, and hope for a better day tomorrow. At least I'll fill the fridge'n'freezer. That amounts to something, I guess.
Current Location:
Same batplace, same bat-channel
Current Mood:
drained drained
Current Music:
Annie Lennox - Loneliness
* * *
My new idol - Happy Bunny!

My new idol - Happy Bunny!


PERSONAL:

What is your name? Puhlo. Says so on the page, dunnit?
What other names do you go by? Sweetheart, Puh, H, etc. Dear child, many names.
What year were you born? 1979
Where do you live? At home? In my apartment? In Stockholm?
How tall are you? 172,5 cm. or 5’7”
Eyecolor? Brown’n’green.
Favorite movie? Different for different moods. Today I’d like to see Delicatessen. Again..
Favorite foods and drinks: Pasta-parmesan-bacon + cherry tomatoes. Sometimes add spinach. (fresh, in a skillet, 2 min, add dab of butter, freshly ground black pepper and fingersalt. Yum.)
Animals? Indeedy. In my apartment I currently house one pretty little cat-girl, dustbunnies, and there are rumours of centipedes under the stove. They are to be evicted when my new kitchen floor is here.
Favorite color? Right now? The grey of the clouds hiding the moon. *dreamy*

CLOTHES:

What coat are you currently using? None! It’s summer! .
What shoes do you currently use? My MC-boots. Or the clogs. Mostly clogs.
Favorite color in clothes: Black. But you can’t tell. I try to stay off the good stuff, because people often think I’m depressed again when I use only black. :P
How much money do you spend on clothes each month? … from none to 500-1000kr?
What size do you use in jeans? .. haven’t worn “real” jeans since 8th grade or so.
What shoe-size are you? Depends. I have Donald Duck-feet. 37½ in sandals, 41 in regular shoes.
What size are you in tshirts? Usually Large. Or 44-46.

LATEST PERSON THAT:

Slept in your bed? Me, or, heh, not counting me, The prettiest strawberrygirl. Kiwiatdusk..
You talked to? .. phone? Dad. IRL? Dad. Net? Melonbabe.
You shared a drink with? Mom and me had mineralwater on the porch at the country house.
You went to the movies with? .. I think it was Collin and Magicgirl. Not sure.
You went shopping with: Mom.
Nagged at you : Mom. 
Sent you an email? C from artclass.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Said I Love You? Yes. Every day.
Quarreled with an animal? Heh, I have a cat. She behaves like a teenager.
Dreamt that you’ve done something really crazy? I have reoccurring homicidal dreams. I consider that a yes.

BEEN TO:

Norway: Yes.
Finland: Yes.
USA: Nope. I’m scared of americans.
Canada: Nah.
China: Nope.
Tyskland: Yes. Several times.

STUFF

Have you ever been in love with someone that you vouldn’t get? Yes.
Are you alone now? The voices in my head are with me all the time. Or.. Eh.. Yeah.
Songs that get stuck in your head, often: Now: Boten Anna, Kittycat Dance, odd Stephen Lynch songs,.. Many songs. Different moods.
Do you want to get married? Sometime, probably.
Do you want kids? For what? Cannon fodder? Heh. I have a cat, and lots ad lots of kids in the family. All my cousins have at least 2 kids. And they have kids.

EXTRA STUFF

Do you take drugs? I get high on life and Ritalin, baby.
Do you drink alcohol? Yeah. Sometimes.
Who is your best friend? Got two. L& C.
What are you afraid of? Do you –really- think I’d tell you? *heh*
What clothes do you sleep in? … panties if any. Or a nightgown at the countryhouse.
Where do you wanna get married? Stefanskyrkan. Baptised there. First communion there.
Who do you really hate? Noone. I detest and feel sorry for alot of people though.
Motto: ”Life’s tough, get a fucking helmet.” – Denis Leary ”The more intelligent you are, the more odd people you will meet. Stupid people don’t see the difference.” – Blaise Pascal
Hakuna matata – Old Swahili proverb.
Ever been in love? Heh. Yeeeees. 
Do you drive? Only other people crazy, dear.
Are you currently employed? Nope.
Do you enjoy being around people? Sometimes. But I like my privacy too,.
Are you a healthnut? …. *rotflmao*
Any tatoos? Nah.

THE LAST 48 HRS, HAVE YOU:

Cried? Nah.
Bought anything? Nah.
Been sick ? Yeah.
Sung a song? Yeah. Vårvindar friska. 
Said I love you? Several times.
Wanted to tell people that you love them? .. I did it instead. Much better.
Met someone new? Nope. .
Missed someone? Yeah. Lots of people.
Hugged someone? Indeed! Mom, Dad, plus the animals.
Kissed anyone? Yup. Herman got a kiss. No tongue, mind you.

WHAT:

Magazines do you read? Digital Foto, Pondus, Larson!, Dagens Nyheter over the net.
Bus did you ride on last time? I think it was the nr 4. I like that one.
Hairstyle are you currently having? Eh.. It’s blonde? And drawn back with my headphones. Stylish!
Day is your birthday? 10th of november,

LAST:

Song you heard: Rammstein – Mein Tell.
Movie you saw: My neighbour Totoro. Again. ^^
Thing you stole: This List. :P
Food you ate: Barbecued sausages with new potatoes. Yummmmm..
Time you ate a 7-11 hot dog: .. some early newyears day a few yrs back. Nothing is as tasty as a cheese-bite with shrimp-mayo then. No matter the consequenses.
Current Location:
Same batplace, same bat-channel
Current Mood:
numb numb
Current Music:
Rammstein - Du reicht so gut
* * *
Can't find no space to breathe
World's closing in
right on me now
Well that's how it feels
that's how it feels
Too much light
There's too much sound
Wanna turn it off
Wanna shut it out
I need some relief

- from Numb, by Pet Shop Boys, album : Fundamental

------------

I want to be numb. In a way.

Since I've now been of antidepressants for 3 months, for the first time in 10 yrs, I feel abit.. weird.
Every emotion comes rushing at me like a speed-train, and it's a rollercoaster. I enjoy feeling. Not being so zombie-like that I have been off and on, but I really want to be able to give some things a distance, to be able to take one step back and analyse WHY I feel so sad/angry/happy/confused.

I bleached my hair some more, when Kiwi was here. Big fun doing girl-stuff, talking girl things and planning for the future. Eating good food, and generally having someone to bounce ideas on. Someone that is very special, and makes my hy heart beat faster. Lovely Lovely L.

But things don't always go as I plan. That's a bad thing. I cannot handle change so well and since there are other people living in my world, I generally get disappointed when the human factor is involved.

Some people tell me I'm to curious. That I ask too much. How can I avoid it? I want to know all possible outcomes, so that I won't be left confused and unable to cope.

Being a pessimistic cynical evil bitch in some ways, help alot.

Thinking "nah, nothing will be as I want it to be, and I'm not allowed to hope too much, to fall in love fast, to expect other people to react like I do. PEOPLE ALWAYS MAKE ME DISAPPOINTED."

I am learning to handle it. Really. I am. Analysing stuff makes me not so angry or sad. And thats a great thing. I don't LIKE being so angry I get a stomach ache when I think of some of my friends. I don't like the feeling of "nonononononoo!!!" I get from other friends either. The uncertainty of not knowing wether I'll get a kiss or a punch, verbally. This is why I cannot hang around too many people I don't know. I don't know if they like me or not. And if they don't, they'll hurt me. Badly.

Never tell me you're mad at me, or that you don't like something I said without giving me a reason why. I dislike me enough as it is, I don't need assurance from you that I'm kooky, bad and just plain weird.

Got dumped on saturday. Still friends, but hurting like hell. Can you really be dumped if you're not gf/bf btw? I think so. That's what I feel like, anyway.

Now I'll go curl up in my bed again. I had deadly low bloodsugar and a stomach from hell yesterday. And people are coming over later.

Current Location:
Same batplace, same bat-channel
Current Mood:
rejected rejected
Current Music:
The Knife - Silent Shout
* * *
are fun. I don't really wanna spill my brain atm, so I leave you with this.
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourreligiousphilosophyquiz/
Current Location:
Same batplace, same bat-channel
Current Mood:
pessimistic pessimistic
Current Music:
Jakob Hellman - Tårarna
* * *

I’m in an argument, at the moment. Not a very intense one, it’s one over the internet, and well. What can I say.

 

This guy puzzles me beyond belief!

 

We had been discussing a new fetish-party, for uniform-fetisists. This is a good thing, because even though –I- think that people in uniform should be able to party with the rest of us, transvestites, rubberpeople, bdsm-people, the lot of us, some people take offense.

 

This is ok, it is a very personal thing.

 

But now, someone got overly excited, and started ranting about this club/party, because it offered a vent for –nazifetishists-.

 

One of the things I find so wonderful about the fetish-community, is that we are all so very different, and only have one thing in common. Our fetishes.

 

You can like rubber, leather, pain, diapers, bondage, anything, but –still be a fetishist-.

There is no politics in fetishism.

 

But the uniform-fetishista have it a little more difficult. Not all uniforms are allowed in all clubs, and most of all, the SS and other nazi-uniforms are banned from many.

 

So now they’ve started a club on their own. Based on UNIFORMS. Not only Nazi, but all uniforms. If you are a flight-attendant, you are probably invited.

 

But then this guy, started ranting. Telling us how he didn’t approve of nazi-propaganda on the community, and how he, as a youngster, in postwar Sweden, got “busted” with pictures of the nazis, and all the propaganda, and the military estetics that came with the package. He was, naturally, fascinated with it. “Naturally?” you ask. Yes. It’s history. History, power and a need to understand WHY things happen, makes it fascinating.

 

His parents told him about the horrors, that they had gone through as they lived in the war.

 

This is a good thing. True stories about horrible things make them more real. And oh boy, yes, the nazis were real. The holocaust was real.

 

Anyway. He finished off his arguments against this club with “Fine, go on being uniform-fetishists, but I think its wrong with commercial for nazism on [our fine community]. I will not answer any messages in this thread. This is my viewpoint.”

 

So.

 

There we have the beginning of a heated discussion, in which I was called a revisionist.

 

  re·vi·sion·ism   )
n.

  1. Advocacy of the revision of an accepted, usually long-standing view, theory, or doctrine, especially a revision of historical events and movements.
  2. A recurrent tendency within the Communist movement to revise Marxist theory in such a way as to provide justification for a retreat from the revolutionary to the reformist position.

 

After saying that he wouldn’t answer in the thread, the moderator said something about “Well, since XX is not going to answer in the thread..” a person got upset and said “What is this!? Why won’t he answer? Is he censured?!”

 

I answered: “Since XX wrote [quote], he’s likely not to respond.”

 

After this I continued with my arguments. I am pro-uniform-fetishism. I like uniforms. I dislike the ideas behind them. I continued with “and I don’t understand why nazi-uniforms make people so upset, when the uniforms of the red army are so socially accepted on parties? Stalin was just as bad as Hitler.”

 

He retorted with a “The hammer and scythe aren’t Illegal to wear! And besides! The communists mostly work within democratic borders, that which the nazis didn’t do!”

.. the svastika isn’t  forbidden either, someone told him.

 

Me: “I didn’t mean a specific symbol, but YES, I, who have hungarian relatives, who had to escape their country, get nauseous when I see those symbols being more socially accepted than the svastika, being just as bad.

 

And now, he starts to get pissed off.

 

Him: “Comparing to Stalins crimes against the people, is not relevant. One fault does not justify another. I fight the right to glorify violence.”

 

Me: “Of course two faults doesn’t make one right, I made a comparison that is extremely close, in my eyes. Both EXTERMINATED a whole bunch of people, have symbols, and uniforms, and a political viewpoint that isn’t  exactly PC.

 

One is taboo, the other’s symbosl can be bought on tshirts in a lot of different stores.

Why is ONE of them so accepted?

 

And besides. It is the piece of clothing that is sexy, not the ideas behind it.”

 

Him: “Its hard to see the difference between  saying and using for some people. Just like similarities between different horrors. And saying that if nazi symbols were forbidden, so should communist symbols be, is first steps towards denial”

 

This he wrote in some kind of Yoda-talk. I’m getting confused here.

 

I continued on the path of “Of course, I respect other people, but only if they respect me. I can refrain from using uniforms with someone that doesn’t like them, I think that if you are to visit a fetish-club and you are so sensitive that you cannot stand some things, you should talk to the people in charge, to see if there are going to be such people there. “

 

This is a big issue for me. If I can’t handle the heat, I stay out of th fucking kitchen. I am not rude in any way, but If I Cannot Handle things, I Stay The Fuck Away. OR LEARN TO HANDLE THINGS IN A DIFFERENT WAY.

More on this later.

 

Then he started saying things like “this seems to be a sore spot for you, Puhlo. “

AND THE MESSAGE ISN’T EVEN FOR ME!

 

It’s for another participant in the discussion! But it is still written TO ME.

 

“I am not shallow but I can see the difference between relevance and truthfulness. And where the line is for plain old properness.”..

 

After this he got out of the discussion with a “If you cannot discuss without being rude..”

 

.. I was stumped. And very confused.

 

This is an autism-piece of me. I tend to interpret some things in a different way than others. I wanted to continue the discussion and didn’t think I did anything wrong. At all. I wasn’t rude. I was polite.

 

So I asked him, directly.

 

Me: “I fail to understand wherein my rudeness  was displayed. Please, explain this to me”

 

This is something I could say, because I want to learn from my mistakes, people.

 

His answer: yesterday, got me stumped yet again:

 

“If you start by separating relevance and stringens etc, a continued exchange of  opinions can be. But If you continue to be a  product of , today so very common product of society, fastmoving, all too quick, ungrounded conclusions, so be it, left alone by me.  School should have taught you critical thinking,  and if it failed that, or you to grasp it, it is  not in any way my place to teach you.”

 

… Wtf??

 

Retort:

 

Me: I have learned discussion-technique, and critical thinking, my question to you is HOW DID I offend –you-, and not a request for a indtroduction course in correct forum-behaviour. I asked, because I could not find how anyone could be offended by my writings, but that might not be so difficult to see, If you read that which you WANT to read, and not what I have written.

 

 

Ergo. People suck. All the time.

 

This weekend was kinda lovely. Me being a total aspie with tummyproblems, and a nervous wreck didn’t make it so bad as it could be. R was a dear about all of it.

Current Location:
Home
Current Mood:
frustrated frustrated
Current Music:
Chumbawamba - Give the Anarchist a cigarette.
* * *
Holy Entity of Great Power, hereby I confess:

I love pens.

For me, the pen is truly mightier than the sword.

The sword can never make me feel like I have a crush on material things, for an example.

When I enter a store, to buy pen-utilities, I get excited. To find new things, to create with, is a head-rush. I almost drool.

Now, today, having money, I spent some of it (too muuuuuch.. :( ) on pens. THESE to be exact:

20 pieces of lovely colors, fineliner too. Now my collection nears it's completion.

I haven't allowed myself to revel in them yet, but I have taken them out of the bag, and put them on my desk. They have a siren-song they sing to me, that over-powers the soccer-fanatics outside, and the music in my headphones. *BLISS*

So. Soon I'll bring out my pad, and start drawing. Happiness is a set of new pens. Or just one. But a good one.

I'm kinda easy to please, when you get to know me. Explanations, marginals for errors, good pens, good food, good company, good music, and I'm all right. :)

Today was a good day. Woke up tired, but got that fixed with some food, and my best friend Mr Ritalin. I had forgotten him for a few days, so that was why I woke up tired.
Then mom phoned to get me over to their place, and to go shopping for food. (Storhandla is the swedish word for "filling up your empty fridge, freezer and cupboards). but before that, we stopped by Nacka Forum to buy some stuff, especially a birthdaygift for my best friend Illika.  Big present this year. I'm kinda proud of that. Not so proud over the fact that I forgot her birthday (or rather mis-calculated the days), but I actually had money to buy her a gift this year. Things are progressing nicely!
And then we entered the store of DOOM.

Atleas doom for my wallet.

about 200kr later, I was in the Superstore close by and got food. Everything on the list got there, except for fruit, which I'll shop for tomorrow, after the museum-visit.

New pens, filled food-storages, company coming in a few days, bills payed, and money in the bank. Life is good.

Current Location:
Home
Current Mood:
bouncy bouncy
Current Music:
Depeche Mode - Sweetest perfection
* * *
There's really nothing new with me. Except for the heat that makes me into a sweaty mushy pile. No money and no way to get off my adhd-ass and get cracking. Except, still, for the fun things.

I went out yesterday and met up with a journalist from Expressen. She interviewed me about self-esteem, and what society thought about looks, and how commercials influenced me.  It was nice to get some ideas out, and I will prolly be in the paper in about two weeks. Look for me there!

After that, I met up with Flisan's boyfriend and got my books back. After a chocolate mousse and some talking, I went on my merry way.

Passing an artist-store I just found in the vicinity, opportunity told me to check the stuff. They had a SALE. Be still my creative heart!

After getting the idea of actually making a -painting-, a piece of -art- and not just manic scribblings on my pads, I asked if they had ready-made canvases, like they have for acrylic, aquarelle and oil-painting. They said no. Then the guy behind the counter told me that he usually used passe-partout-carton to do ink and graphite-drawings on. Fabulous! Several different colors and weights were available, all in brontosaurus-size.  And No. They couldn't help me with cutting.

Since I sometimes have the motor-skills of a drunk, and can't see straight if I was payed dear money for it, I said "Gee, thanks, but no thanks".

"You can always ask at your local framing-store? They have passe-partouts too!"

Done and done, I swept into the frame-store and asked. And yes they had. FOR FREE! Because I wanted so small pieces, I got them for free, because they couldn't use them.

Three months ago, I couldn't have done that. Not by myself. I'm making progress here!

Today me and mom went to see my shrink and my meds-doctor for the ADHD. Personal assistant was brought up, and more social services (not like the non-existing "one hour a week, and then go out for coffee", but someone who can help me do the ground-service stuff that you have to do when you live on your own. You know, clean, wash, and stuff like that.

I noticed today that I prolly haven't watered my poor plants for about two months. I feel like a bad plant-mommy.

Then there's school. or SCHOOL. Blah. It's more of a "lets see if they make progress in their rehabilitation if we put them together and make them keep appointments!". Social-psychiatric rehabilitation is what the long name is. Because I don't want everybody and all to know what a f-ing kook I am, and that I don't function very well, I call it school. It's something to do, and sometimes I think I couldn't do without it. My courses right now are Kurbits (oldfashioned dala-painting), and metal shop. I like to create in silver.

Todays picture was taken from my desk there. It's a peaceful place.


* * *

Remember, remember, the fifth of November,

 gunpowder treason and plot.

 I know of no reason

why the gunpowder treason

should ever be forgot.

 

I’m a comic-chick.

 

I remember growing up in Stockholm, eagerly waiting for my brother to finish his new issue of ”The Phantom” or ”Fantomen” in swedish. Or one of the few reasons I liked going up to my grandparents summerhouse. And I _did_ like the fruit bon-bons with gooseberry flavour, to the extent that I can remember the taste still today, over 15 years ago, but I went there for the “Dare-Devil”-comicbook that was there, waiting for me. Same issue every time, but it still had the suspense it had when I first read it. Matt Murdock was my hero, and I reveled in his super-powers.

 

Later I enjoyed other comics. Dad had a subscription to “Knasen” (“Beetle Bailey”) and still there was The Phantom, and anything I could read.

 

When I cut class, starting at age 13, I went to Stockholm Public Library to avoid my stay-at-home Dad. I think I read every comicbook they had at the Childrens wing except for “Blueberry”.  I read Yakari, Gaston, Spirou, Linda and Valentin, Lucky Luke, and a lot of swedish comics, and other assorted ones that were single issue.

 

At my Aunt and uncle’s house, I read more Linda and Valentin, and  Agent X-9, Modesty Blaise, some belgian and french comics.

Growing older, I started to read the comics in the Adult section of the library. I hit the jackpot. Big time.

 

Here, there were erotic comics, horrorcomics, sci-fi comics, anything my heart could desire, and as much as I could carry, I could take home with me. Sometimes I read Fantastic Four, and dreamed of a guy like Ben. I started buying a magazine called “Magnum”. Since I read a lot faster than your average kid, I had a need for thick magazines. And Magnum gave that. 180 ACTION-PACKED PAGES!!! It could say on the front, sporting comics such as CatClaw, The Blonde, Judge Dredd, Preacher, horrorcomics, sci-fi, and sometimes, one of my teenage crushes, Lobo.

 

Then one blissfull day, I went to the Science-fiction bookstore in Gamla Stan, in Stockholm.  Jackpot again. Now my comicreading became fanatism.

 

One early favorite was Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, and Garth Ennis’ Preacher. Being manic, and in control of some money, I bought them all in under one year. Comicalbums in Sweden are expensive. I bought each Sandman-album for about 250swekr. I have them all on parade in my bookcase, in a special department dedicated to comics. I also have the swedish comic Rocky, and the norwegian Nemi.

 

Others I like is Gary Larson’s The Far Side, Frode Överli’s Pondus, Riskhospitalet, and  Inrutat. Warren Ellis’ Transmetropolitan almost brings tears of joy to my eyes. J. Michael Stracynskij’s Rising Stars is another love. And not I’m not counting all of Stan Lee’s comics, such as X-men, Spiderman, and everything else.  

 

But nothing is like V for Vendetta. Alan Moore’s latest comic-made-movie.  I still get a big knot in my stomach when I rememer that I could have gotten the album signed by artist, David Lloyd. Curse this lack of money!! It was indeed a sad day for Puhlo.

 

I love black&white comics, and this has it all. Suspense, humour, revenge, murder, injustice, and then there is V.

 

V is wonderful. And since I have the hots for Hugo Weaving since I first saw Priscilla – Queen of the Desert, then Matrix, and LotR, and now, I’m purring again. *^_______*^

 

Check it out. If not the comic, then the movie, that can –almost- do it justice. I try to see the movie as another story, involving roughly the same characters. The comic is darker. Much, much darker.

 

http://www.shadowgalaxy.net/Vendetta/images/gallery/newtpb_front.jpg   for a look at the  cover to the album.At least one of them. :)

I drew a picture of me with V tonight. And alot of other pics too. Ask and you might get to see them.  Today, sunday, the only plan is to steal a scanner. Or at least borrow it. Long-time-borrowing is the best.  I love my dad's need for new toys and growing bored with them. :D


AND, if you get around to it. Check PSB's new record. It's awesome!

Current Mood:
creative creative
Current Music:
Pet Shop Boys - I'm with stupid.
* * *
I've always been scared.

I cannot remember a time, that I was safe, at ease, with someone else, other than myself or maybe my closest family. The feelings Abandoned, Anxiety, Frustration, Loneliness, Sadness, and Unsurety have always been the closest to me. In this Blog, I'm going to reveal my art, and my thoughts. This will be a deeper insight to the mystery of me, and most of all, a release for me, to frustrate, worry, and mourn. To rejoice in some ways, and maybe show a glimpse of my life. I'm not going to be diplomatic, or try to cover up my feelings about anything.
This, is the truth. Live with it, or stop reading.
This picture represents how I felt when I got the news that my best friend had died. Infectious meningitis. Moves like the flu. Bad case of the flu. Some never realize they have it. I'm lonely and sad today. This is a day for rememberance. I get things done. The fun things. The important things are mountains, and I feel like an ant. The kitchen sink is building a fort, and I worry about what will happen when my parents go on their vacation. First one week over midsummer (2 weeks from now) and then week 29 in july/august. I worry about love. How do you tell someone that "Yes, sorry, I HAVE fallen for you, I know you feel at total ease with me, but you screw up my life. You make me so confused I forget stuff like brushing my teeth, eating, or what day of the week it is." Because I don't know what you want. I cannot interpret your signals. When I had my head close to his, my hands on him, or his hands on me, even if it was only a fingertip, I was content. There could be nothing wrong in this world that I couldn't fix, if I knew that he was there. But now, I'm scared. Scared of being left alone. Again. I've always said that I come on to people with the subtleness of a sledgehammer. "Hi, I like you, let's make out and see what happens!" does not work after age 20, I'm afraid. Now everything seems to be about feelings, and the future. How the f-ck am I supposed to know what happens in two months? or one year? Couldn't we just jump and see if we miss the ground? If you hold on to my hand, I hold on to yours. Strength in numbers. Ignorance is bliss. My wonderful L says I should break things up with this person. Just so that I can get a grip on reality and stop hurting myself Of course, this would be a good thing, I can see that too, but when you suddenly meet someone that makes you torn between bliss and despair, and the bliss is so -good- you want to keep it always, the despair is almost worth it. And still, there are these wonderful people out there, who I feel for, with and prolly will fall for as well. But I'm too confused now. I want the pause-button from my dvd-player to work on my life. Can someone please fix that for me? There are three men in my life right now. Or rather, on the "Love"-part of my life. One, I've told you of. The others are R and R. :) R n:o 1 has no time for me. I see him sporadically over MSN every once in a while. He's the kind of person that makes my soul purr, and my loins sigh in aspiration. I've met him twice. I'm interested. And horny. R n:o 2 is another issue. He makes me smile and think. He lures my brain out on adventures and strolls. I look forward to meeting him. To touch him. To see him smile. To smell him, to feel the warmth of his skin. He rocks cradles of my soul. I feel that this is someone I could journey far with. To explore great things. He awakens my curiosity. And makes me feel a little safe. but I'm still here. One me. The loneliest number is one. Welcome back, Depression. Or rather. Go back. You're not welcome here.
Current Mood:
melancholy melancholy
* * *
I wrote one of the best blogs in my life, and I lost it. I'm sorry, LJ. I don't like you atm.



This is the current season in central Stockholm. The season of apple-blossoms. Early summer.
 


..why can't it be summer in here? *points to soul*


Oh well. the gorgeous, wonderful, makes-me-smile-everyday Theodore thought I might like it here. (now you know where to complain ;) )


Now, bed. I'm on dog-duty tomorrow. And I -can- think of worse things than lying on my parents bed, scratching a black, furry tummy, and getting all the love that there's room for in a 70lbs dog named Herman. <3
Current Mood:
sad sad
Current Music:
Tori Amos - Me and a gun.
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